This is hilarious!

Here are 9 responses women use in conversations with men. You must know this stuff because you are getting set up.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8. Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying its useless.
9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong” For the woman’s response refer to #3.

Any more? Drop a comment.

I was listening to Mike Tirico on the radio today and he was talking about teams he likes and such. He then dropped, “well Michigan is my team-in-law.” I’ve never heard the term - but I love it. I looked around the ‘net for a definition and couldn’t find anything - so here’s a stab at it.

team-in-law - noun

1. An obligated devotee, follower, or admirer of a sports team due to marital influence.

My team-in-law is the University of Tennessee. My wife’s an alumni and loves “The Big Orange”.

Life is too short. Try something new or set a goal and go for it.

I have been compiling this list for a while now. It is ever-growing. I have accomplished some of them and there are many yet to be accomplished things. I keep this in my Blackberry so when the mood strikes - I can add a new thing to the list. Here it goes:

1. Spend New Year’s Eve on Jost Van Dyke, BVI
2. Swim with dolphins (again)
3. Swim with Whale(s)
4. Ride in a hot air balloon (done 4/28/07)
5. Learn to sail
6. Collect sand from all of the beaches we visit
7. Rope a calf (done)
8. SCUBA dive (I have about 50 dives in my log, but there are many more oceans to explore)
9. Play Augusta National
10. Own a boat - preferably with a lake house
11. Catch a bonefish on a fly
12. Learn to surf
13. Play guitar with Eric Clapton or John Mayer
14. Attend Rock-n-Roll Fantasy Camp

Yes, the kids are back in school. The Mrs. and I had to do a little victory dance this morning.

With it being over 100°F for the past two weeks. My son and everyone from the neighborhood have been playing GuitarHero nonstop. If my wife hears “Surrender” one more time she’s going to explode.

Colonoscopies are no joke, and everyone over 40 should have one, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous…..

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. You’re a Trekie arent you Doc? Cause you’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOWWWW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn’t fit, you must QUIT!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.
    And the best one of all…
13. Hey Doc…Could you write a note for my wife, saying that my head is not up there?